A long awaited update!

Alright, so I haven’t quite been as accountable as I would have liked. In the last few months I have been fighting depression, severe depression and kind of fell off the planet. Because of my depression, my family is suffering financially and I am trying hard to correct that situation.

I have an amazing accountability partner who kicks my butt when I need it and tells me what she thinks, even if I won’t like it. Her name is Paula and she’s an amazing woman who helps me keep going, even when I don’t want to.

I wouldn’t have made it through the past few months or continue to make it without my husband, Tim, our kids (who are a mixed blessing, work and love), and a few amazing friends who have been there. A few are ones I only know “online” but they are closer than anyone in my family, or even my in laws.

My grandmother passed away, my oldest daughter turned 17 (the age I was when I had her), the anniversary of my fathers death passed in October, and my in laws and my family are at odds, which took away most of the support I have. Luckily I have a few online friends who are always there for me, and some like my college room mate who no longer lives close, but is always there for me. There are a few who mean the world to me outside of my husband. Shelley, Gay, Paula (aforementioned), Robyn, Nadja, Tom, Nick, Sue, Abby and Kylie – just to name a few people who have helped me in various ways over the last several months.

So, with the help of Paula I have decided to refocus on me, losing weight, working out and eating right. I also started school at Kaplan – it’s been a joy and crazy! Paula found and modified a accountability chart so I will see if I can get it on another page for everyone to view.

I am currently out of work, tweaking anti depressant, anti anxiety, etc medication – after 7+ years medicine free it came up on me with no warning. I start counseling on December 19th as well. I am hoping that something will fix the depression I am feeling and ward away the suicidal thoughts.

I lost weight from 252 (Jan-March) to 210 pounds, but am currently at 219, almost 220. I am working on step one again. The important thing is not that I am starting over or again, the important thing is that I am not giving up.

If you want to check out Paula, who is an amazing friend and also a BB (Beachbody) coach as well check her blog at http://www.tenatten.blogspot.com/

I will be more active here as well, and working on updating my blog for everyone who follows it.

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